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Updated by Jan van van Bon on May 13, 2017
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ITIL jokes

When something is extremely popular, you'll always find plenty of jokes about it. ITIL is no difference. Add your joke, vote for your favorite, or just have a good laugh... The world is serious enough as it is ;-)
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Source: http://www.itsmportal.com/

True Stories and ITIL Humor
  1. Service Desk: "Do you see the button on the right side of your mouse?"
    Customer: "No. There's just a telephone and a printer".

  2. A large service desk once received a fax with a pre-page asking for it to be faxed back when finished with, because they needed to keep a copy.

  3. Customer: "Do I need a computer to run your software?"

  4. A major ISP recently told us that their finance department occasionally receive cheques made payable to "The Internet"

  5. Service Desk: "What appears to be the problem?"
    Customer: "When I change the font sizes, the letters all change size."

  6. The six phases of an ITIL implementation (adapted):
    Enthusiasm
    Disillusionment
    Panic
    Search for the guilty
    Punishment of the innocent
    Praise for the non-participants

  7. What did the small change say to the large change? �I don�t need a ticket - I'll will sneak in with you.�

  8. Finally, a VERY old one: To complete 80% of a project takes 80% of the time. The other 20% takes the other 80% of the time.

At the movies

What did the small change say to the big change?
“I don’t need a ticket. I will slip in behind you.”

26

Not complex enough...

Not complex enough...

I guess we just never made the organizations large and complex enough for ITIL to work!

by Larry Cooper.
Source: http://www.itsmportal.com

ITILyaBrady - ITIL Certification Exam Resources

As IT organizations strive to provide more value to the ever-evolving nature of business, the ITIL v3 Foundations Course has become very popular and teaches the concepts of managing IT as a set of services. This Service Management view of IT has become more and more popular in the past few years and is gaining momentum every day.

Murphy's Law and ITIL [3]

The #1 cause of IT problems are IT solutions.

28

What if ITIL will be acquired by... Apple?

What if ITIL will be acquired by... Apple?

iTill will be the new brand name.
ITIL Lite will be known as iPot.
Samsung will announce they have been owners of COBIT and it is far way better.

What if Chuck Norris would have written ITIL?

ITIL version "C.Norris" would never have any updates. Chuck would have gotten it right the first time…
[Plenty more Chuck Norris ITIL jokes where this came from!}

Murphy's Law and ITIL [2]

For every action, there is an equal opposite malfunction.

Tickets for the show

He said: I got two tickets for the show. It starts in 45 minutes.
She said: Fantastic. Let me go change.
He said: Honey, we don’t have time
She said: I am not requesting, but informing
He sighed: just like at work

Married Women

She said: married women don’t change their name these days
He said: yeah … they don’t like to follow process
She said: the article said, most people don’t want to go through the paperwork
He said: really, filing a change request at work is more complicated than that.

Potty Training

She said: Bob and Joan are struggling to potty train Jack
He said: they should send him to the ITIL class
She said: why?
He said: it is all about release management

27

How many ITIL experts do I need to....

How many ITIL experts do I need to....

"How many ITIL certified professionals would one need to change a light bulb & how would they engage with that..." Source: Trevor Hardy

Five managers went to a Safari and ...

After a good year at Lilonti, the most famous IT company, the CIO invited their managers to a safari by the desert. He lent his four-wheel-drive car and recommended a route through the desert.

ITIL IS a joke....

ITIL is a joke. It's what happens when you let accountants try and run IT.

Stupid customers

The Customer: "What hours is the service desk open?"
The Service Desk: "24 hours a day, 7 days a week"
The Customer: "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"

Murphy's Law & ITIL [1]
  • The first place to look for ITIL information is in the volume you least expect to find it.
ITIL consultant

service desk talking with change management
“hey, I heard we are being federated,” sd
“and what does that mean,” cm
“we will need to communicate to each other,” sd
“as if we don’t do enough of that,” cm
“honey, communicate is different than talk,” sd
“how so,” cm
'we will need to re-concile our differences,” sd
“you met the marriage counsellor, didn’t you,” cm
“yes i did, but he is now an ITIL consultant,” sd

Waiting in Line

Two changes standing in a long line
“Man, this will take for ever”
“I told my boss, I will be in by end of the week”
“may be your boss should declare an emergency”

Talking to Strangers

Baby Server said to Mr. Change, “I don’t know you”
“That’s because I am un-authorized”, replied Mr. Change
“My parents asked me not to talk to strangers”, said Baby Server
“I will take you where you have never gone before”, replied Mr. Change
“I will be scolded if my parents find out”, said Baby Server
“They will never find out, I will change my name to your uncle — Mr. Admin”, replied Mr. Change

What’s for dinner?

He: what’s for dinner?
She: how about something from the ITIL cookbook?
He: there should be about 50 people
She: i would recommend the Pink Elephant

You got another ticket?

He: you got another ticket?
She: no way
He: see they sent a snapshot of the back of your car with your license plate, jumping the red light, from those camera
She: honey, what day was that
He: it says last tuesday
She: hmm… you were towing my car that day. Snapshots never tell the true

Change Management

She: why are you always talking about change management?
He: because it is so difficult
She: well I bought you something which can solve the problem
He: what is it?
She: surprise

What comes after birth control?

She Said: what comes after birth control?
He said: change control
She frowned: Wrong. Babies you idiot.
He said: are you pregnant?
She said: I thought an ITIL guru would know “unfreeze, change, freeze“

Why did BMC buy Remedy?

“Because they were in pain”

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