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Updated by ryan yepsen on Feb 18, 2017
Headline for 3 Simple Reasons I Was the Better Choice for Jurassic World
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3 Simple Reasons I Was the Better Choice for Jurassic World

Chris Pratt only took the role because he thinks he's better than. Let's discuss why I was clearly the better choice.


Relevant Experience

Relevant Experience

In the mid-90's, I worked at a Jurassic Park-themed Cub Scout summer camp. Can Chris Pratt claim to have experience working at Jurassic Park? No. Of course not.

Chaos Theory

As we learn here from the fantastic Mr. Goldblum, who has so far not expressed any desire to prove himself better than me, past events cannot necessarily be used to predict future outcomes. Therefore, your previous starring roles in Guardians of the Galaxy and The Lego Movie would not necessarily result in you being cast for Jurassic World. I think we can therefore infer that casting me for the role would have been far more in the spirit of the Jurassic Park franchise's roots in Chaos Theory.


All major theme parks have delays.

All major theme parks have delays.

John Hammond: All major theme parks have delays. When they opened Disneyland in 1956, nothing worked!
Dr. Ian Malcolm: Yeah, but, John, if The Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists.

I actually worked at Disney World (similar, but admittedly not the same as Disney_land_) and can confirm that when rides broke down neither I nor any of the attractions ate any of the tourists. Can Pratt say that with any degree of certainty? Has Pratt ever eaten a tourist? We simply don't know. These are questions that need answered. Especially before choosing him to star in a major motion picture franchise.