History of Bad Parties
Selected posts about social issues related to Asperger's Syndrome: growing up and trying to learn social skills, making friends (or not), solitude VS loneliness and self-acceptance.
Is it important for people on the spectrum to learn the basic mechanics involved with social interactions? Eye-contact. The give-and-take of conversation. Body language. That sort of thing. This ends up getting down to a personal decision...for adults on the spectrum, for parents raising kids on the spectrum.
Back when I first started reading about ASD, I came across David Finch's "Journal of Best Practices." If you haven't read it, all you need to know is that after being diagnosed with Asperger's he started keeping a journal filled with social rules (best practices) that he wanted to remember.
My apartment building is testing the alarm system so I'm at the park today, sitting at a picnic table, writing. It's a beautiful day and the park had been deserted until a few moments ago when a group of kids on a field trip showed up to eat lunch at the picnic tables and play...
This post is long overdue and is the sequel to Aspergers Unmasked. I know that large numbers of people follow my blog and that my postcards, from the edge of the Spectrum, are appreciated by many, particularly parents of autistic children.But I need you to see the other side of my blog. The other side of all those edited, re-edited and polished posts.
The chimney sweepers are here to replace an unidentifiable rusting metal thing on our roof. As they work, they sound as if they are clamoring in an enormous cabinet of bucket-sized baking pans. Chimneys must be flimsier than I realized. The chimney trumpets out the workers every word with tinny clarity.
The title might seem like a weird question, but I think it's at the core of why so many adult autistics didn't have a clue how* they were different until adolescence or beyond. Because if you experience something one way all the time, how are you going to know that your way of experiencing something...
And why I go stir-crazy when my broadband fails. Initially it didn't occur to me to write this post because it seemed so obvious, but when I mentioned it to someone else and they seemed surprised, I realised that perhaps it was not as obvious as I had thought.
In 2005...after a long period of social isolation and depression...I began therapy and received a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. I was caught off guard by the diagnosis...but I was lucky enough to find a psychologist who was helpful and trained in ASD issues. I continued sessions for several years.
Is it important for people on the spectrum to learn the basic mechanics involved with social interactions? Eye-contact. The give-and-take of conversation. Body language. That sort of thing. This ends up getting down to a personal decision...for adults on the spectrum, for parents raising kids on the spectrum.
This is me making friends. How it happened, the long way around. I. As mentioned: it's around the age of fifteen that I begin to teach myself the mechanics of body language. The mimicry is basically serving two purposes: it's allowing me to mask both the social confusion and the sensory discomfort I'm struggling with.
At first glance, I pass. I can enter into the neurotypical world and it looks like I’m doing well. It looks like I’m normal, successful, and all-around a good example.
One of my biggest challenges is going somewhere new. This could be a new restaurant, a new theater, a new parking lot, anything really. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been to hundreds of restaurants before. If it is a chain, it doesn’t matter if I’ve been to others in the chain. I will still be supremely nervous about going to and entering a new place. This stems from my poor social skills, and the fact that I have to learn the “acceptable” patterns and interactions.
I'm sitting with a group of people, not a huge group, but maybe 4 or 5 others. We're chattering, or at least, they are - they're chatting, talking, conversing. I'm listening, I have no other choice. I hear a door open and shut. I hear their breathing.
Back when I first started reading about ASD, I came across David Finch's "Journal of Best Practices." If you haven't read it, all you need to know is that after being diagnosed with Asperger's he started keeping a journal filled with social rules (best practices) that he wanted to remember.
From childhood's hour I have not been As others were; "Alone" ~ Edgar Allen Poe I've spent a good portion of my life alone. I don't mean alone in the sense of being unattached; I've been married for more years than I've been single. By alone, I mean in a solitary state.
My apartment building is testing the alarm system so I'm at the park today, sitting at a picnic table, writing. It's a beautiful day and the park had been deserted until a few moments ago when a group of kids on a field trip showed up to eat lunch at the picnic tables and play...
If you get a group of writers together, on the internet or in a workshop, someone will eventually ask the ultimate navel-gazing question: why do we write? My stock answer--the one that's easiest to explain and makes me look least weird--is that I write because I enjoy it. That answer saves me from having to reveal this: I write to set the words in my head free.
In the last post we were talking about friendship, and where you might start looking to find potential friends. But there's another thing to think about before you start filling up your social calendar: are you friend material? You don't have to be awesome to have friends, but it helps if you have something going for you.
One of my resolutions for 2014 is to strengthen my connections in my local community and, to put it simply, to make friends. Online friendships are great, but they can't give you a hug through the internet. Or hold your hand.
This post is long overdue and is the sequel to Aspergers Unmasked. I know that large numbers of people follow my blog and that my postcards, from the edge of the Spectrum, are appreciated by many, particularly parents of autistic children.But I need you to see the other side of my blog. The other side of all those edited, re-edited and polished posts.
The chimney sweepers are here to replace an unidentifiable rusting metal thing on our roof. As they work, they sound as if they are clamoring in an enormous cabinet of bucket-sized baking pans. Chimneys must be flimsier than I realized. The chimney trumpets out the workers every word with tinny clarity.
The title might seem like a weird question, but I think it's at the core of why so many adult autistics didn't have a clue how* they were different until adolescence or beyond. Because if you experience something one way all the time, how are you going to know that your way of experiencing something...
Sometimes I can't talk. I'm an adult, I hold down a job, I've spoken in public at international conferences. Yet some days, I can't even say "yes" to the offer of a cup of coffee, at home, from my partner. It's as if someone has put tape over my mouth.
And why I go stir-crazy when my broadband fails. Initially it didn't occur to me to write this post because it seemed so obvious, but when I mentioned it to someone else and they seemed surprised, I realised that perhaps it was not as obvious as I had thought.
I had a big old preface here defending why I decided to post this despite potential controversy or hurt feelings. That was probably necessary (for me) at the time, but three months later I'm deciding to take it out. Because while I will defend my opinions, I will not defend my right to have opinions.
Collection of articles and blog posts about aspects of living with adult Asperger Syndrome / autism, such as
