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Updated by Graeme Thomson on Oct 21, 2017
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19 Awkward Moments That Every Anteater Understands

19

So, what else can you eat with that tongue of yours?

So, what else can you eat with that tongue of yours?
1

When everyone with you at the restaurant is suddenly a comedian.

When everyone with you at the restaurant is suddenly a comedian.

“You could have the ANTipasta!”

“How about an ANTchovie pizza?”

“Pancakes! Made with ANT Jemima’s pancake mix!”

2

Whipping out your box of ants at the barbecue.

Whipping out your box of ants at the barbecue.

Not to mention silently freaking out that they’re too small for the grill and are just going to fall through slats and get burned to a crisp.

3

Telling someone you’re an anteater.

Telling someone you’re an anteater.
4

When your friends want to tell you about weird foods they’ve tried or (more likely) heard about that they think must ...

When your friends want to tell you about weird foods they’ve tried or (more likely) heard about that they think must ...

“Grubs. In Australia the aborigines eat grubs.” “I once went to a Peruvian restaurant where they served guinea pigs.” “Didn’t John the Baptist eat locusts?” “Escargots! Now, escargots I DO like!”

5

People who crack jokes about anteaters because they think it makes them edgy and hilarious.

People who crack jokes about anteaters because they think it makes them edgy and hilarious.

Ha, ha, ha. Call me an aardvark one more time and I’ll break your face!

6

Non-family members who don’t get it.

Non-family members who don’t get it.

No, I’m not related to aardvarks, or echidnas, or fucking pangolins! I’m an ANTEATER, for Christsake!!

7

“So, what DO you eat? Ants?”

“So, what DO you eat? Ants?”

Yes. Because I’m a fucking ANTEATER!”

8

Going to restaurants.

Going to restaurants.

looks at menu “So, basically you’ve got fuck all with ants in it?”

9

When someone invites you over to their house for dinner.

When someone invites you over to their house for dinner.

Your options:

  1. Let them know you only eat ant and termites, which makes them feel obligated to go looking for ants nests or termite mounds in their back yards.
  2. Don’t tell them, and so make them feel bad when they open the door and realize you’re a fucking anteater.
10

Going on road trips with non-anteaters.

Going on road trips with non-anteaters.

You’re constantly torn between not wanting to delay the journey and knowing that the only way you’re going to eat anything is by pulling off the highway and burrowing into an ants’ nest.

11

When the waiter is hovering by your table listing off the (non ant) specials.

When the waiter is hovering by your table listing off the (non ant) specials.

smiles and nods
So, what you’re saying is the Ant Special is off?

12

The prix fixe menu.

The prix fixe menu.

Hmm, which should I choose: the one with no ants, or the one with no fucking ants at all?!

13

One word: Turducken.

One word: Turducken.

Unless, of course, someone has seen fit to stuff an ant inside all those disgusting birds.

14

When you see that your host’s kitchen has a delicious ant infestation… …only to watch him reach for the can of Raid.

When you see that your host’s kitchen has a delicious ant infestation… …only to watch him reach for the can of Raid.
15

Lectures

Lectures
16

Having to ask for no other ingredients AT ALL.

Having to ask for no other ingredients AT ALL.

No. The only ingredient I want is ants.

17

Stores that sell ant traps and bait.

Stores that sell ant traps and bait.
18

Toting your scientific classification everywhere.

Toting your scientific classification everywhere.

Enough with the aardvark shit, already. Anteaters are a totally different Order, Genus, and Family.