Fusion 360
Some Utah couples think that fighting is bad. Every husband and wife fight, but it doesn’t mean they have a bad marriage or need to go to couples therapy. It’s ok to fight, healthy conflict can actually strengthen a marital bond, it’s unhealthy conflict you need to look out for. Couples who use sarcasm, criticize each other and fail to resolve arguments in a mature and calm fashion, will begin to build up walls between each other that will hurt a marriage. Here are a few tips on how to fight fair:
When you’re at the peak of your anger you should take a step back and breath. Never underestimate self control. In the heat of the moment, you can say things or behave in ways that you will later regret. Once you’ve had some time to cool down you can assess the situation and consider the most mature way to resolve things.
Once you say something, you can’t take it back. Your spouse may always remember the hurtful words you said which could lead to damaged trust. Never call each other names, even accusing each other of being lazy or sloppy are forms of name calling. Watch what you say, it’s not worth the pain and hurt that may follow.
Couples therapists suggest that whatever you’re discussing is what you should focus on. Don’t bring up past hurts or concerns that will derail the conversation and make it harder to resolve the issue at hand.
Many Utah couples make the mistake of using phrases with the words ‘always’ or ‘never’. For example saying “you never help me clean up” is probably not true and discounts all the times they have helped you clean, which will leave them feeling attacked and unappreciated.
Healthy conflict is ok in a marriage. If you feel that you and your spouse don’t know how to manage conflict in a healthy way, couples therapy may be a good option. A qualified Utah couples therapist can teach you and your spouse how you can work things out together.
Swinton Counseling specializes in marriage and family counseling. Jonathan Swinton, PhD, is a therapist that can help.
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