The 30 Most Portland Things To Ever Happen In Philly.

Seriously, fuck this place.

We had no idea that City Paper's "I Love You/I Hate You" still existed, but it does. And if for nothing else, its existence was wholly justified this week: All of my hatred and repulsion for yarnbombing was cemented one afternoon when I saw a homeless man sleeping in the cold underneath the El in Fishtown.

Yes! This is one event we look forward to every year. Bust out your grandfather's pocket watch, put on your best tweed and woolens, and polish your trusty steeds! Join in on the jolly good time at the 3rd Annual Tweed Ride Next Saturday November 13th.

Click here to invite friends on Facebook. Holy smokes, we cannot even believe it: Our 10th ANNUAL BELLE & SEBASTIAN DANCE PARTY, to be held at the Trocadero, is THIS Thursday, June 13th. Here is what we told the Troc we needed: EVERY LASER, EVERY LIGHT, EVERY SMOKE MACHINE THEY HAD.

Proving that civic dysmorphic disorder is actually a thing.

I mean COME ON.

Exists!

As 'forked, here's the leadoff leak from Man Man's On Oni Pond, due out in September. Now, before we get into the whole exegesis of "Should we still care about these guys since they no longer live here?" - also known as Volume MCMXXXVII of The Encyclopedia Of Philadelphia's You're Dead To Me Home Charter - hey, how about taking a listen?

Here in Philly, we currently have the most public murals of any city in the United States, and we're proud of that. However, the largest public mural resides in Omaha, Nebraska. Streets Dept.'s Conrad Benner wants to change that. He's started a petition to put a mural on the (currently black-bricked) back of the PSFS building.

If you've lived here all your life, you come to find that there are all of these little nooks and crannies in Philadelphia life where nasty shit hides out. Racist shit. Xenophobic shit. Ignorant shit. Dumb shit.

Also known as Portland's toughest bar.

Not at all what we thought it was, or should be.

We still do not understand this.

If you thought all the pretty cool free shows-Pissed Jeans,/A Place To Bury Strangers/ GANG (7/28), Fang Island (7/21), The Pains of Being Pure At Heart (7/14)- on the schedule at the new Four Corners/R5 riverfront venture Morgan's Pier were a good thing Philadelphians should be excited about, well, you're just an ignorant motherfucker who doesn't know EVIL when he sees it.

The worst part is that the dude above would probably be the coolest guy there Man, it seems like there sure are a whole lot of morons out there. According to a Facebook post, people are trying so hard to be welcomed into the loser-cult of Diner En Blanc that they broke the internet.

Stephen Starr's long-anticipated Fishtown beer garden, Frankford Hall, enjoyed its opening weekend last weekend - which happened to contain the most idyllic late spring Saturday in recent memory - and from a straw poll of our friends and peers, here is what we can tell you: It's a mixed blessing.

This "where-is-he-now-oh-that's-right-he's-in-JAIL" interview with onetime Philadelphia obsession Ira Einhorn in the Daily News yesterday promised a lot more than it gave, but it wasn't a complete disappointment.

This Sunday, a bunch of Philadelphians (to say nothing of a handful of suburban thrill-seekers, we presume) will gather for this year's edition of the Philly Naked Bike Ride, which is what it sounds like - a nudity-encouraged bicycle ride through Center City.

True: It's not even close to the grossness that is the Naked Bike Ride, so we suppose we can't complain. Philly's International Pillow Fight Day will be back this Saturday, April 6th, at 3pm in Washington Square.

A while back, we posted this Readers Cameraphone unaware of the backstory, but now, thanks to The Daily Mail of all places, we have that backstory.

Like the Roots, it does not even exist in Philly.

We still don't really know what this was.

And not even the band Fun. They have a period at the end of their name. Good ol' Barclay Shields took to the Barbary a few weeks ago with sign and makeshift balaclava to show Photobot 3000 what he was all about, because Tigerbeats is the place to make political statements.

Because NO.

Little birdies be telling us today that Mayor Nutter showed up at open mic night last night at Fergie's Pub and performed, you guessed it, "Rapper's Delight" by the Sugar Hill Gang. Again. Now, look: If this was an isolated incident, it would be charming, as indeed it was the first few times he did it.