Expedition Self
Best Ways to Help Someone In Crisis
GIVE them room to talk about their experience without offering lots of opinions and "feel good" comments. Empathize with what's happened without DRAMATIZING and CATASTROPHIZING the event. This is the time when being treated like a victim doesn't help anyone to "stand powerfully."
ASK, "What do you feel like you need?" and if they say nothing, then consider that they just need to know that you are there. Breathe, be silent and wait.
HELP them problem solve. Begin with, "Would you like to talk through the options or are you still dealing with the emotional part of this?"
REMIND them who they are? You could say, "Remember when you ........... - this reminds me of that moment ............. - when you felt awful, when it was really difficult and then you ............. "
STAY AWAY from comments like, "This too shall pass," "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger," and "You'll get through it like we all do."
Offer to DO something. Make sure that when you offer though - that your heart is completely engaged and free of expectation about how that person will show their gratitude.
If they're open to exploring the value of the experience, then you can TALK about how this connects with other growth moments in their life.
TELL them, "I love you," or "I really care about you," or "What happens to you matters to me."
SHARE your selfish reasons for wanting to lend a hand. "I don't like feeling helpless," or "I hate being on the sidelines when others are suffering, especially when it's someone I care about," or "I feel guilty that I'm not able to do something to help when others are in need."
APPRECIATE them in a verbal way by describing how you see them handling the crisis. "Bravo! Look at you! I see how strong you're being! I can't believe how "_________" you have been through this. You're amazing and I'm inspired by you."
My heart goes out to all of those who are dealing with the aftermath of "Sandy - the superstorm" and all of the other unexpected events that rock our lives.
As many attempt to rebuild what was torn apart - I hope that all of us can take advantage of "being" with each other in a new way.
