ramya-mermaid
(Don’t tell Victoria that her secret’s out…)
Are you a struggling model? Do you have a thousand unreturned emails that you sent to agencies? Are you sick of not getting Instagram sponsors? Well, look no further, here are some quick fix solutions to get you that airbrushed Vogue cover.
Not only do you hit the genetic lottery, but you also are the spawn of the biggest fashion icons of the 90s. You can walk for Marc Jacobs, Burberry before you can drink alcohol legally.
You get to launch your beauty brand and give birth to babies that will go on to receive the second highest number of likes on Instagram. You can also sell makeup brushes for 400$. Bonus, you can hire Kris Jenner as your momager.
The industry only has space for one mixed race model and it is currently occupied by Winnie Harlow. Try next decade, please.
You are allowed one cup of green tea and half a peanut every full moon. (Please refer to Poosh for more life-changing advice on this diet.) If you can’t do this, you can always contract tapeworm.
Move aside family videos shot on a handycam, you need a TV show and a spin-off to make the cut.
Your options include breeding horses, sailing, premium lifestyle curation, and Coachella.
Or get him to write a famous song about you. It’s called patronising the arts honey, look it up!
As a white woman, you must appropriate Native American headdresses, sport cornrows for style or wear real fur in 2019 (cringe).
Theme is for losers anyway. In their defense, looking hot trumps innovation.
