Mending Hearts in the Midst of Broken Families

Christian, your parents did not get in the way of God’s plans for you. They were God’s plan for you.

Christmas is supposed to be filled with joy. Instead, for many divorced people, it’s filled with emotional pain and loneliness. Perhaps you understand because you lie in bed at night and think about the things you used to do before the divorce: hanging the stockings, purchasing Christmas gifts for the kids and kissing under the mistletoe. Your heart desperately aches and you wonder what to do with that grief that will only intensify during Thanksgiving and Christmas. Maybe you feel like going to a deserted island during the holidays. But before you hop on the next plane, here are some ideas that you as a divorced person can do to lessen the emotional pain.

Even if you’re escaping a terrible situation, the effects of divorce can be devastating. Is there any hope for healing? Psychologist Thomas Whiteman, co-author of Starting Over (with Randy Petersen, Piñon Press, 2001) identifies six stages of divorce recovery. We’ve expanded the stages, adding some suggestions for moving through them. As you complete each stage, you’ll be one step closer to recovery:

How can I help my teens deal with the fallout of my divorce? It's been painful for everyone, but I'm especially concerned about my oldest son. Ever since my ex-husband left a year and a half ago, he seems to be putting himself under a lot of pressure to assume the role of the "man of the house." This is especially difficult for him since he was looking forward to going away to college in the fall. Now he feels obligated to stay at home and help the family. What can I do for him and the rest of the kids?

“I remember people telling my sisters and me that they didn’t know we’d come from a broken home,” Theresa Garbe said. “In a twisted kind of way, I considered that a compliment. We may have been screwed up, but it wasn’t obvious.”

How can children successfully survive the trauma of divorce? In friendly, heart-to-heart language, Archibald Hart offers divorced parents specific ways to help children cope with the psychological and social damage that comes with divorce.

DivorceCare is a divorce recovery support group where you can find help and healing for the hurt of separation and divorce.

The Center for Divorce Education offers parenting classes to divorcing/separating parents.

Despite the pain you may be facing, God desires to bring healing to help you move forward. If you will lean in to Him, He can fully restore what has been damaged in your life through the hurt of divorce.

At the most basic level, kids need to feel safe and secure in their homes. When parents divorce, the family system that served as their security blanket is gone and that often results in kids feeling fearful and anxious.

Knowing they aren’t coming back for you is an even harsher, more numbing, reality to grapple with. You’re left with questions like, Is there something wrong with me? Were we not fun to be around? Was I not enough?

Mike and Mary Ann were married for 12 years. They had two daughters: Ashley, 8, and Jenna, 5. The marriage ended in divorce after Mike committed adultery. Although he said he wanted to reconcile, Mary Ann felt she couldn’t trust him.

Stepcouples hope and pray they can have peaceful interactions with their former spouses, and it is possible. But for some couples, no matter how much they try, the venom and vitriol of the former spouse drowns out all reason and compromise. Rodney and Lisa Webb share their difficult blended journey, as counselor and therapist Helen Wheeler and blended family expert Ron Deal speak wisdom.

Parenting is difficult, but when you add divorce, the challenge multiplies. This episode brings help and hope to parents who may be struggling.

When a father has walked out on our lives, we want to know, "Why did my dad leave me? And how can I ever hope to get past the hurt he caused?"