Navigating Those Interesting In-Law Relationships

You love your son, and want the very best for him. That means cultivating a healthy relationship with his wife. Read these insights from daughter-in-laws to learn how to better love and support the new most important woman in your son's life.

Establishing rules to protect your marriage

In Scripture, Ruth's pledge to stick faithfully by her mother-in-law Naomi, whatever their future might hold, sets a high bar for us all: "... Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay" (Ruth 1:16b, NIV). If necessity required it, could you welcome your mother-in-law into your home? Or willingly live under her roof?

Stress related to family dynamics is one of the biggest struggles married couples face, so it’s important to make those relationships as healthy as possible. Here are some simple ways to improve those relationships and strengthen your own marriage in the process.

I have been seriously dating a wonderful young man for over a year and a half. We have discussed marriage and are dating with that goal in mind. I recently lived with his parents for three months and had a really difficult time: Despite many good qualities, his mother is very controlling, micromanaging, paranoid and particular about everything (e.g., never leave the garage door open for more than 10 seconds, wash your hands, every little thing being done exactly how she wants it done, “did you make sure to close the garage door?” etc.).

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.

What do I owe my in-laws? That’s an interesting question. Another way to phrase it might be, “As a son-in-law or daughter-in-law, what’s required of me? What are my obligations, whether I feel like it or not, in relating to my spouse’s parents?” Put this way, it doesn’t sound like a very warm or relaxed relationship. It sounds more like your in-laws are a burden in your life. Perhaps you feel caught between trying to please them (or trying to avoid offending them) on the one hand, and just wanting to be yourself or wanting your own “space” on the other.

Are you newly married? Congratulations! Learn how to build healthy relationships with your in-laws during your first year of marriage.

Based on Over Two Hundred Interviews, Here Is the Advice In-laws Had on How to Improve That Relationship.

How should I respond when my mother-in-law continually shows partiality by giving preference to my husband's sister and her family? When I called about visiting on Mother's Day, I was told to come the day after since she had already made plans with her daughter. More recently when I asked about Thanksgiving, she said that she "would have to let me know" after finding out what was going on with her daughter's family. I deeply resent the fact that our family doesn't get equal recognition and I'm tired of making plans around my sister-in-law. What do you think we should do?

This is a great resource to understand members of your family and how they the love others or like to be loved.

God doesn’t call us to avoid or ignore difficult people, but to lean into relationships with difficult people, confident that he will meet us there.

Can two women love the same man and still get along? Absolutely Annie Chapman believes that a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can become friends--even close friends. However, this connectedness often takes years to develop. Now that journey can be a joyful one Offering practical advice and biblical wisdom, this book helps mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law nurture their relationships.

Our grandchildren should remember us as faithful, God-fearing grandmothers, and all our loving and giving should flow from a desire to be a source of material and spiritual blessing to our grandkids. It is natural and obvious that we should expect to have an active role in passing on our faith to them.

It’s important to you that your traditions turn your hearts toward the things you hold most precious — the things you most want your children to cherish. You want them to love the Son who gave up his heavenly glory and power to become a helpless human. But what do you do when your extended family isn't on board? You don’t want to cause disruption in the family, but you don’t want your children to be confused or hindered in their growing faith. What can you do?

Answers from daughters-in-laws to my question, “What do you wish you could tell your mother-in-law?”

Do you get along with your in-laws? The relationship with your family can affect your marriage.