Graeme Thomson
Classic English Literature is not without its rewards. Every so often it turns up the occasional, wholly unintentional, belly laughs. Here are 19 of the best.
I may observe that private balls are much pleasanter than public ones.
Sir Leicester leans back in his chair, and breathlessly ejaculates.
Passing to and fro the Mayor beheld the unattractive exterior of Farfrae's erection in the West Walk.
She did in her own heart infinitely prefer boobies to clever men who wrote dissertation.
At fifteen, appearances were mending; she began to curl her hair and long for balls.
"Let's toss as men do," said Bathsheba, idly.
He had no further intercourse with Spirits, but lived upon the Total Abstinence Principle, ever afterwards.
Mothers are the best lovers in the world, but I don't mind whispering to Marmee that I'd like to try all kinds. It's very curious, but the more I try to satisfy myself with all sorts of natural affections, the more I seem to want.
His landlady came to the door, loosely wrapped in dressing-gown and shawl; her husband followed ejaculating.
Come; let us squeeze hands all round; nay, let us all squeeze ourselves into each other; let us squeeze ourselves universally into the very milk and sperm of kindness.
Bag end is a queer place, and its folks are even queerer.
Oh, bloody period!
The clocks struck the hour, and no Fanny appeared.
Whan that my fourthe housbonde was on beere.
They had proceeded thus gropingly two or three miles further when on a sudden Clare became conscious of some vast erection close in his front, rising sheer from the grass. They had almost struck themselves against it.
His custom being, when he had gained the ascendancy over those he took in hand, rather to keep them down than to give them their own way; and to exercise his vivacity upon them openly, and without reserve.
Some burn damp faggots, others may consume
The entire combustible world in one small room.
Holding his candle so that he could read the coffin plates, and so holding it that the sperm dropped in white patches which congealed as they touched the metal.
I have yet room for six scotches more.
