Updated by Jan van Bon on Jun 19, 2014
ITIL jokes

Jan van Bon ITIL jokes

Jan van Bon | 29 items | 1724 views

When something is extremely popular, you'll always find plenty of jokes about it. ITIL is no difference. Add your joke, vote for your favorite, or just have a good laugh... The world is serious enough as it is ;-)

Source: http://www.itsmportal.com/

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  1. 1. Incident and Problem walk into a bar...

    Incident and Problem walk into a bar...

    Incident and Problem walk into a Bar, they sit down, Incident is having scotch and water while Problem is having a bowl of soup.
    Problem says to Incident "Taste my soup."
    Incident says "Is something wrong with the soup?"
    Problem says "Taste the soup."
    Incident says "Is there something wrong with the soup? Is the soup too hot?"
    Problem says "Will you taste the soup?"
    Incident: "What's wrong is the soup too cold?"
    Problem "Will you just taste the soup?!!!"
    "Allright," says Incident, "I'll taste the soup - where's the spoon??"
    [Source: www.ITILyaBrady.com]
    Plenty more Brady jokes where this came from!

  2. 2. Murphy's Law and ITIL [3]

    Murphy's Law and ITIL [3]

    The #1 cause of IT problems are IT solutions.

  3. 3. Murphy's Law and ITIL [4]

    Murphy's Law and ITIL [4]

    If at first you don't succeed, blame ITIL.

  4. 4. At the movies

    At the movies

    What did the small change say to the big change?
    “I don’t need a ticket. I will slip in behind you.”

  5. 5. What if ITIL will be acquired by... Apple?

    What if ITIL will be acquired by... Apple?

    iTill will be the new brand name.
    ITIL Lite will be known as iPot.
    Samsung will announce they have been owners of COBIT and it is far way better.

  6. 6. I guess we just never made the organizations large and complex enough for ITIL to work!

    I guess we just never made the organizations large and complex enough for ITIL to work!

    by Larry Cooper. Source: http://www.itsmportal.com

  7. 7. What if Chuck Norris would have written ITIL?

    What if Chuck Norris would have written ITIL?

    ITIL version "C.Norris" would never have any updates. Chuck would have gotten it right the first time…
    [Plenty more Chuck Norris ITIL jokes where this came from!}

  8. 8. Potty Training

    Potty Training

    She said: Bob and Joan are struggling to potty train Jack
    He said: they should send him to the ITIL class
    She said: why?
    He said: it is all about release management

  9. 9. How many ITIL experts do I need to....

    How many ITIL experts do I need to....

    "How many ITIL certified professionals would one need to change a light bulb & how would they engage with that..." Source: Trevor Hardy

  10. 10. Five managers went to a safari and.....

    Five managers went to a safari and.....

    Just a second after getting a flat tire, the incident manager left the car saying “go, go, go!!! We’re in time!” put a chewing gum on the tyre, got into the car again and said “Solved, let’s go!“. The Change Manager responded “But, it will only last for a few meters.“, But the Incident Manager said “It doesn’t matter! I can put another gum if it fails again.“
    [Read the rest by clicking the title]

  11. 11. ITIL joke

    ITIL joke

    Sample ITIL Foundation Exam Question:
    What is the objective of Incident management?
    - to annoy and irritate users
    - to identify difficult users so that the organization can subsequently bring them into line
    - to provide a focal point to complain about the appalling service levels we provide
    - to restore normal operations as quickly as possible with the least possible impact on either the business or the user.

  12. 12. ITIL IS a joke....

    ITIL IS a joke....

    ITIL is a joke. It's what happens when you let accountants try and run IT.

  13. 13. Stupid customers

    Stupid customers

    The Customer: "What hours is the service desk open?"
    The Service Desk: "24 hours a day, 7 days a week"
    The Customer: "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"

  14. 14. Murphy's Law & ITIL [1]

    Murphy's Law & ITIL [1]
    • The first place to look for ITIL information is in the volume you least expect to find it.
  15. 15. Murphy's Law and ITIL [2]

    Murphy's Law and ITIL [2]

    For every action, there is an equal opposite malfunction.

  16. 16. ITIL consultant

    ITIL consultant

    service desk talking with change management
    “hey, I heard we are being federated,” sd
    “and what does that mean,” cm
    “we will need to communicate to each other,” sd
    “as if we don’t do enough of that,” cm
    “honey, communicate is different than talk,” sd
    “how so,” cm
    'we will need to re-concile our differences,” sd
    “you met the marriage counsellor, didn’t you,” cm
    “yes i did, but he is now an ITIL consultant,” sd

  17. 17. Waiting in Line

    Waiting in Line

    Two changes standing in a long line
    “Man, this will take for ever”
    “I told my boss, I will be in by end of the week”
    “may be your boss should declare an emergency”

  18. 18. Talking to Strangers

    Talking to Strangers

    Baby Server said to Mr. Change, “I don’t know you”
    “That’s because I am un-authorized”, replied Mr. Change
    “My parents asked me not to talk to strangers”, said Baby Server
    “I will take you where you have never gone before”, replied Mr. Change
    “I will be scolded if my parents find out”, said Baby Server
    “They will never find out, I will change my name to your uncle — Mr. Admin”, replied Mr. Change

  19. 19. Tickets for the show

    Tickets for the show

    He said: I got two tickets for the show. It starts in 45 minutes.
    She said: Fantastic. Let me go change.
    He said: Honey, we don’t have time
    She said: I am not requesting, but informing
    He sighed: just like at work

  20. 20. Married Women

    Married Women

    She said: married women don’t change their name these days
    He said: yeah … they don’t like to follow process
    She said: the article said, most people don’t want to go through the paperwork
    He said: really, filing a change request at work is more complicated than that.

  21. 21. What’s for dinner?

    What’s for dinner?

    He said: what’s for dinner?
    She said: how about something from the ITIL cookbook?
    He said: there should be about 50 people
    She said: i would recommend the Pink Elephant

  22. 22. You got another ticket?

    You got another ticket?

    He said: you got another ticket?
    She said: no way
    He said: see they sent a snapshot of the back of your car with your license plate, jumping the red light, from those camera
    She said: honey, what day was that
    He said: it says last tuesday
    She said: hmm… you were towing my car that day. Snapshots never tell the true

  23. 23. Change Management

    Change Management

    She said: why are you always talking about change management?
    He said: because it is so difficult
    She said: well I bought you something which can solve the problem
    He said: what is it?
    She said: surprise

  24. 24. What comes after birth control?

    What comes after birth control?

    She Said: what comes after birth control?
    He said: change control
    She frowned: Wrong. Babies you idiot.
    He said: are you pregnant?
    She said: I thought an ITIL guru would know “unfreeze, change, freeze“

  25. 25. Why did BMC buy Remedy?

    Why did BMC buy Remedy?

    “Because they were in pain”