When something is extremely popular, you'll always find plenty of jokes about it. ITIL is no difference. Add your joke, vote for your favorite, or just have a good laugh... The world is serious enough as it is ;-)
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Incident and Problem walk into a Bar, they sit down, Incident is having scotch and water while Problem is having a bowl of soup.
Problem says to Incident "Taste my soup."
Incident says "Is something wrong with the soup?"
Problem says "Taste the soup."
Incident says "Is there something wrong with the soup? Is the soup too hot?"
Problem says "Will you taste the soup?"
Incident: "What's wrong is the soup too cold?"
Problem "Will you just taste the soup?!!!"
"Allright," says Incident, "I'll taste the soup - where's the spoon??"
Plenty more Brady jokes where this came from!
The #1 cause of IT problems are IT solutions.
If at first you don't succeed, blame ITIL.
What did the small change say to the big change?
“I don’t need a ticket. I will slip in behind you.”
iTill will be the new brand name.
ITIL Lite will be known as iPot.
Samsung will announce they have been owners of COBIT and it is far way better.
by Larry Cooper. Source: http://www.itsmportal.com
ITIL version "C.Norris" would never have any updates. Chuck would have gotten it right the first time…
[Plenty more Chuck Norris ITIL jokes where this came from!}
She said: Bob and Joan are struggling to potty train Jack
He said: they should send him to the ITIL class
She said: why?
He said: it is all about release management
"How many ITIL certified professionals would one need to change a light bulb & how would they engage with that..." Source: Trevor Hardy
Just a second after getting a flat tire, the incident manager left the car saying “go, go, go!!! We’re in time!” put a chewing gum on the tyre, got into the car again and said “Solved, let’s go!“. The Change Manager responded “But, it will only last for a few meters.“, But the Incident Manager said “It doesn’t matter! I can put another gum if it fails again.“
[Read the rest by clicking the title]
Sample ITIL Foundation Exam Question:
What is the objective of Incident management?
- to annoy and irritate users
- to identify difficult users so that the organization can subsequently bring them into line
- to provide a focal point to complain about the appalling service levels we provide
- to restore normal operations as quickly as possible with the least possible impact on either the business or the user.
ITIL is a joke. It's what happens when you let accountants try and run IT.
The Customer: "What hours is the service desk open?"
The Service Desk: "24 hours a day, 7 days a week"
The Customer: "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
For every action, there is an equal opposite malfunction.
service desk talking with change management
“hey, I heard we are being federated,” sd
“and what does that mean,” cm
“we will need to communicate to each other,” sd
“as if we don’t do enough of that,” cm
“honey, communicate is different than talk,” sd
“how so,” cm
'we will need to re-concile our differences,” sd
“you met the marriage counsellor, didn’t you,” cm
“yes i did, but he is now an ITIL consultant,” sd
Two changes standing in a long line
“Man, this will take for ever”
“I told my boss, I will be in by end of the week”
“may be your boss should declare an emergency”
Baby Server said to Mr. Change, “I don’t know you”
“That’s because I am un-authorized”, replied Mr. Change
“My parents asked me not to talk to strangers”, said Baby Server
“I will take you where you have never gone before”, replied Mr. Change
“I will be scolded if my parents find out”, said Baby Server
“They will never find out, I will change my name to your uncle — Mr. Admin”, replied Mr. Change
He said: I got two tickets for the show. It starts in 45 minutes.
She said: Fantastic. Let me go change.
He said: Honey, we don’t have time
She said: I am not requesting, but informing
He sighed: just like at work
She said: married women don’t change their name these days
He said: yeah … they don’t like to follow process
She said: the article said, most people don’t want to go through the paperwork
He said: really, filing a change request at work is more complicated than that.
He said: what’s for dinner?
She said: how about something from the ITIL cookbook?
He said: there should be about 50 people
She said: i would recommend the Pink Elephant
He said: you got another ticket?
She said: no way
He said: see they sent a snapshot of the back of your car with your license plate, jumping the red light, from those camera
She said: honey, what day was that
He said: it says last tuesday
She said: hmm… you were towing my car that day. Snapshots never tell the true
She said: why are you always talking about change management?
He said: because it is so difficult
She said: well I bought you something which can solve the problem
He said: what is it?
She said: surprise
She Said: what comes after birth control?
He said: change control
She frowned: Wrong. Babies you idiot.
He said: are you pregnant?
She said: I thought an ITIL guru would know “unfreeze, change, freeze“
“Because they were in pain”