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Updated by Claudia Corrigan D'Arcy on Apr 23, 2017
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Adoption Reunions: Secondary Rejections & Why Things Go Wrong

Both birthmothers and Adoptees ask WHY an Adoption Reunion goes wrong. These are the hard conversations that no one likes to talk about. We're talking. Please join the conversation!

Source: http://www.adoptionbirthmothers.com/adoption/adoption-reunion/

Jul 31, 2013 by Rebecca Hawkes - rebeccahawkes.com - 13173
Adoption Reunions: Secondary Rejections & Why Things Go Wrong | Sea Glass & Other Fragments: Five Survival Tips for Adoption Reunion

1) Find appropriate outlets for your "adoption crazy." Adoption reunions can bring out the nutty in the best of us. Adoptees and first parents may both enter the reunion process with wounds and scars created by their separation from each other.

Jul 30, 2013 - adoptionbirthmothers.com - 13110
Adoption Reunions: Secondary Rejections & Why Things Go Wrong | Secondary Adoptee Rejection in Adoption Reunions

Hearing the Rejected Adoptee's Pain I hate this conversation. In my opinion, I have it all too often. I hate it when one of my adoptee friends have come out of their adoption fog, gone through an adoption search, found their personal Holy Grail- their very own long lost mother- only to have her send that adoptee away, denied.

Jul 30, 2013 - adoptionbirthmothers.com - 12624
Adoption Reunions: Secondary Rejections & Why Things Go Wrong | Finding Happiness in Spite of Adoption Reunion Issues

Ask yourself, honestly and truthfully, are you thinking ” I will be happy when my birthmother/ adopted child/Bio sibling accepts me?”
Can you be happy even if that never happens?

Jul 30, 2013 by Unsigned Masterpiece - unsignedmasterpiece.wordpress.com - 13438
Adoption Reunions: Secondary Rejections & Why Things Go Wrong | Unsigned Masterpiece

What do playing Angry Birds and struggling with adoption reunion have in common?

Jul 26, 2013 - adoptionbirthmothers.com - 11475
Adoption Reunions: Secondary Rejections & Why Things Go Wrong | What Does Work in the Adoption Reunion?

Truthfully? I have no idea. What works for one reunion might not work for another. The measure of what makes an adoption reunion successful really does depend on the parties involved and how they measure that success. Are they both satisfied with the measure of contact?

Jul 25, 2013 - familypreservation.blogspot.ca - 12465
Adoption Reunions: Secondary Rejections & Why Things Go Wrong | Reunion and Expectations Reunification of Adoption-Separated Persons

When the media has asked me about reunion outcomes I always tell them that just like all other interpersonal relationships, they run the gamut from great to awful and everything in between and many - as we all know - can go back and forth and back again.

Jan 31, 2016 by Marnie Davis Ward - adoptionbirthmothers.com - 12783
Adoption Reunions: Secondary Rejections & Why Things Go Wrong | Numbers in Adoption Reunions; How Many People Get Told NO and are Rejected??

If you find yourself rejected during an adoption reunion, the facts and numbers of whether it is "rare" or common will not ease your pain and heartache.

Jul 25, 2013 - adoptionbirthmothers.com - 11136
Adoption Reunions: Secondary Rejections & Why Things Go Wrong | Numbers in Adoption Reunions; How Many People Get Told NO and are Rejected??

If you find yourself rejected during an adoption reunion, the facts and numbers of whether it is "rare" or common will not ease your pain and heartache.

Jul 25, 2013 - adoptionbirthmothers.com - 13322
Adoption Reunions: Secondary Rejections & Why Things Go Wrong | What is a Successful Adoption Reunion? Pitfalls, Concerns and Things to Watch Out For

What does an adoption reunion look like when it works? What works in an Adoption Reunion and makes it successful? How come a good reunion relationship is so hard?

Jul 25, 2013 - adoptionbirthmothers.com - 10809
Adoption Reunions: Secondary Rejections & Why Things Go Wrong | Ways to Ruin an Adoption Reunion:The Birthmother Do's and Don'ts Edition

A birthmother in adoption reunions can make some wrong moves that make an adoptee feel rejected. Avoid these common reunion pitfalls that can emotionally hurt an adoptee in reunion.

Jul 25, 2013 - adoptionbirthmothers.com - 12540
Adoption Reunions: Secondary Rejections & Why Things Go Wrong | Ways to Ruin an Adoption Reunion; The Adoptee Do's and Don'ts Edition

In an adoption reunions,an adoptee can make some wrong moves that make their birthmothers feel like crap. Avoid these common reunion pitfalls that can emotionally hurt an a birthmother in reunion.

Nov 09, 2012 - 73adoptee.blogspot.com - 10852
Adoption Reunions: Secondary Rejections & Why Things Go Wrong | 73adoptee: perspectives on adoption: Secondary Rejection In Reunion: An Adoptee Perspective

Secondary rejection happens. It's one of those things adoption dissolution (aka the "returns department") that the adoption industry doesn't want to admit.The truth is, adoptees often feel rejected, no matter how good their adoptive circumstances are and no matter whether they eventually reunite, happily or not, with their original families. We have to deal with issues of rejection and abandonment every moment of our lives (and no, I'm not saying first mothers abandon, I'm saying this is how adoption makes many adoptees feel). Getting rejected twice feels like a confirmation of all those bad feelings.

Nov 09, 2012 - realdaughter.blogspot.com - 13725
Adoption Reunions: Secondary Rejections & Why Things Go Wrong | Real Daughter: How Does a First Parent Prevent/ Get Through Rejection?

It ain't easy. Nothing about reunion is easy.

How many adoptees who have first Mothers who want nothing to do with them are friends with first Mothers who have a surrendered child who wants nothing to do with them? Too many. Not gonna lie...many of us joke and say "Why can't SHE be my Mother?"

Nov 09, 2012 - peachneitherherenorthere.blogspot.com - 10453
Adoption Reunions: Secondary Rejections & Why Things Go Wrong | "Neither Here Nor There...": Reunion Cycles: The Emotions Behind the Madness

I have been reunited with my first families for over 20 years now. At the beginning of the reunion, I was emotionally numb and unable to truly connect ~ still worried about "pleasing" everyone and so fearful of what others thought of me. Even though my ENTIRE family of birth welcomed me with huge family parties and open arms, I couldn't receive it internally.

Nov 10, 2012 - realdaughter.blogspot.com - 10141
Adoption Reunions: Secondary Rejections & Why Things Go Wrong | Real Daughter: Twice dumped

I tell them that they have every right to feel angry and confused- not just at their first Mothers, but the entire industry. Again- some of us listened and believed the lie of "She loved you so much she gave you away". To find the one who "loved us so much", only to find that she really DOESN'T, is crushing.

16

15 Year Adoption Reunion destroyed......

Jun 19, 2014 by Melissa Paige Leigh
Adoption Reunions: Secondary Rejections & Why Things Go Wrong | 15 Year Adoption Reunion destroyed......

After a reunion with my birth mother when I was 28- we muddled our way through what was a wonderful relationship.... my kids were young enough that it did not seem anything out of the "norm" for them..... we just became one huge blended family.... I later found relatives on my biological father's side, met many siblings, some we have not found yet, but for my birth mother I was her only child....just as I was an only child in my adoption...Unfortunately the blending of my family began to unravel...

May 18, 2015 - adopteerestoration.com - 12890
Adoption Reunions: Secondary Rejections & Why Things Go Wrong | Adoptee Restoration: I Wish You Were My Mother

Statistics show that 95% of mothers who relinquished a child to adoption are happy to be found and welcome the contact and further connection with their son/daughter. I happen to be in the rare category of 5% of adoptees whose mother did not want to reunite.

Feb 21, 2017 - julianmkelly.blogspot.com - 7
Adoption Reunions: Secondary Rejections & Why Things Go Wrong | A Survival Guide to Secondary Familial Rejection for Adoptees
  • Listly By

    Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy has been writing about life as a birthmother, Adoptee Rights & the unethical adoption industry since 2005. She has been online and involved in the adoption community since early in 2001. She originally began independently researching adoption issues in preparation of the successful search and reunion with her own son, Max, whom was placed for adoption in 1987.

    Her writings on adoption issue have been published in The New York Times, BlogHer, Divine Caroline, Adoption Today Magazine, Adoption Constellation Magazine, Adoption Voice Magazine, and many others. She has been interviewed by Dan Rather, Montel Williams and appeared on Huffington Post regarding adoption as well as presented at various adoption conferences. She serves on the Board of Directors for the Adoptee Rights Coalition.

    Her blog, Musings of the Lame- Life as a Birthmother in Adoption is a much needed road map for many mothers who relinquished, adoptees who long to be heard, and adoptive parents who seek understanding. For more go to; www.MusingsoftheLame.com

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